Yeah, so there’s that.

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Feeling so blue tonight.  It’s been on my mind to try to write my daughter a letter. 

I feel like my skin and bones make me look like I’m coping… Look at me standing and doing stuff just like everybody else… But every so often the crust comes a bit loose and the tears roll out.

December 27, 2022. The last time we spoke/saw her. December, 18, 2022, the last time she emailed me.  Said she was sorry she hadn’t answered my emails. But that was it. 

I hate the word estranged. If you want to puke, be a normal parent, trying to do your best, and then go to tiktok and watch a Jeffrey Marsh video on how to estrange your parents, and how if you feel bad when you do, that’s a sign of how manipulative your parents are.   If your parents are kind, that’s just an act they put on, to make it harder for you.

I tried to talk to a coworker about it today, and she said I can’t send a letter to my daughter. She’s not wrong, but… it was just such flat advice. Like, no big deal. Sometimes you have to send your kid to bed without supper.  Not the Momma Trauma of not knowing *anything* about how your kid has been doing for nearly two years.  Fearing for health and well being.

I have to admit it makes me feel angry towards any Mom who has a young adult kid that pays any attention to them. It’s just so friggin unfair. 

How can you make yourself ignore the loss?

My mind searches for someone, anyone who could just check in and give me an update. I don’t want to interfere. I just want her to be ok.

I hope she’s ok.

I’m not ok.

Big House* (Note: title bound to change as the project reveals itself…)

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In what was no doubt another insane gesture, last weekend I purchased a dollhouse from Facebook marketplace. A clue to the size: it would not fit into my hatchback. The seller ended up having her boyfriend deliver it in his truck.

Front side

Nifty quality that made me take the leap? The hinge. The dollhouse opens so you can access the rooms easier. It also has wheels! I love things with wheels. 😉

That said, first thing I did, to make it easier to work on, I’ve started by removing the wheels and the hinge.

I’m unsure of final color… Kind of thinking I’d like to do egg carton stones and have it be blonde limestone colored.

What needs to be done:

1. Roof needs patched.

2. Outside paint. I don’t care for the pink at all. (Although Katwise’s rainbow house https://housekaboodle.com/whimsical-rainbow-house-sweaters-built/ is very appealing and tempting to try to replicate. Another home I love is that of Amy Sedaris. . . (https://www.thecut.com/2018/12/amy-sedaris-reveals-her-magical-greenwich-village-apartment.html.. We’ll see!)

2a. Scrape the cardboard shutters off. Remove plastic windows. Clean hinge and latch.

Back side

3. Ponder whether I’m going to apply the wallpaper and other surface coverings directly to the house or perhaps cut cardboard inserts that I can cover and replace . . .

4. Brainstorm room styles….

5. Make furnitures etc.

Yu Ping and Shan are excited to think about their new home!

The little friends

Some papers I found at Gomez Art Supply… So pretty!!

Carrie-ing on again….

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The house has been going awry while I try to get my life sorted. Tonight was the first night that I felt I could sit at my desk and cut and glue. This is the result.

Blessings

Last night, after sorting bucket water bucket of paper bits, I took a moment to glue this:

Heartwings

Once upon a time… In the Fairy Forest…There was a suitcase…

CoraMaezy, doll, making things, Uncategorized

This suitcase. Spotted on Facebook Marketplace.  Crazy. I have a ton of older suitcases, interesting cases, but this one… So off I went.

A beauty? Are you inspired?
Inspired now? Oh. My. Someone had already pulled out all the innards
from Come Follow Me by Gyo Fujikawa, one of my favorite illustrators . . .
Building an insert out of cardboard . . .
My assistants helping me figure out how to line the case with burlap. . .
Building the first tree out of cardboard . . .
Building the tree trunk, more cardboard fun. Paper mache soon to be removed….
Painting…
Adding greenery
Making the base tile
Hmmm. Not quite right yet.
More fairies from Gyo Fujikawa . . .
Made a stump, in case CM needs to sit…
Once upon a Fairy Forest.. CoraMaezy was telling the story of Puppers and Mouse to her friend Mouse-Mouse.
We hope you like our Fairy Forest suitcase world.